Trumped Up Charges
and other
unforgettable tales from the swamp.
The Mickey & Donald show is finally slated to end in its
first season, after a dramatic run of 1461 days. It’s one of those reality web series
where waiting for a potential Season 2 has been a mixed bag of emotions for
people from both sides of the proverbial fence. A one-hit wonder it should turn
out to be. Stand-up comics and late night shows have suddenly woken up to the
realization that they have not only lost their favorite daily impersonation act
but also the will to live. Nevertheless, this development is akin to the
burning of libraries in the medieval ages, so much comic material that was to
come our way is now going to remain unwritten, and lost to civilization for
good. What a pity!
But, let’s go back a few years, when the saga started. In a
world filled with sophisticated conmen, all the proverbial glib-talking
snake-oil salesmen were put to shame by the world’s most successful conman, who
was officially crowned the king of them all when he became the the
Conman-der-in-Chief of a nation that had over the years become a role model for the
world. Take a guess who put him there. Yes, its Kellyanne Con-way, who, living
true to her name, helped him con his way to the top-dog spot. Somewhere along
the line, she also coined the new word “alternative facts” into the English dictionary.
Not to be outdone by a lesser minion, the Donald responded almost immediately
and copyrighted the word “Fake News”. That was the beginning, and the world
lived on those two words, day by day, minute by minute, for over four long
agonizing years.
Being the POTUS that he was, Making America Grate Again was
happening on a daily basis and the country very quickly became the laughing
stock around the world. We all remember waking up every morning to the disbelief of
a tweet from the twit, or twat, as you would prefer to call him, depending on
which country you are from, and wincing unpleasantly at the thought of
something smelly that he regurgitated at your breakfast table. What usually
went down with great relief after a hearty breakfast was for the last four
years being served well before your bowels were activated.
Let’s look at some of the things Mr. Maga did. First things
first, he cleaned up the swamp. Ceremoniously. But when you clean up the swamp
and fill it with monsters from your own world, you just get another swamp with
a new name and address. That’s actually all what Trump did. And he did it bigly.
At first, he filled it with beautiful women, which was definitely a pleasant
change from the dowdy yet efficient politicians we are used to. For a while
everybody was thrown off trail by the glitzy glamour of the Trump World. Even Fox
news had become Foxy News. But, throw in a reluctant wife, a drop-dead gorgeous
daughter, a slick son-in-law and a rabid talking mini-me, and then flavor it with
a doting deputy, a dangerously-quiet world leader, a pet dictator, a storming porn
star, a dodgy alt-newsman, a turncoat lawyer, a rogue FBI boss, a side-switching
ambassador, a clueless educationist, a teen-stalking ex-mayor, fact-changing press
handlers, and finally season generously with sprinkles of plainclothes members
of the Klan emerging from the woodwork, you can start to see it all go downhill pretty
quick.
Bizarre happenings like this are unthinkable anywhere except
in the US of A which has always promised to entertain us every second of your
day, especially while you are sleeping. Yes, you can’t make up this kind of stuff. For writers, inspiration and muses do come in different forms, and this time, orange.
Many strange things happened afterwards, but I won’t go
there today. I would need to write a book for that, not an article. Let’s take a
closer look at the more recent debacle of the election results being fiercely
contested on the basis of Trumped-up charges of falsified elections. At the end of it all,
POTUS realized that he has something un-flushable. From "Not being in it to lose",
he rapidly turned into a very noisy sore loser. From being zealously win-eager, all his grapes were so sour that everything quickly turned into vinegar. Trump
had campaigned “VOTUS, VOTUS” but people said “NOTUS, NOTUS”. Then, when he went to
SCOTUS, they decided not play DOTUS, instead leaving him quite QUIXOTUS. So,
off he went, back to FLOTUS, the only one who tolerates his BLOTUS EGOTUS, to scheme a new PLOTUS. Will they finally get his GOATUS? It remains to be seen with the season finale just a few days away.
Sometimes, I do wonder who really tried to rig the election. Only
a Master of the Con would be able to understand what fraud is and how it can be orchestrated.
The accusations were highly entertaining to a world that has never seen this before. It seems we had fake voters, dead
voters, amnesiac voters, and god knows what other abominations tumbling out of
the woodwork, quite like the fabled resurrection on judgement day. But let me
tell you a thing about the Dead, if we were to let them vote, they would have probably voted for Trump. Perhaps they did. Maybe the Donald knew something more about
the “rigged” elections that he called out three months before voting even began,
because in all likelihood he himself was rigging it to get to his record number
of votes, which by the way, his opponent still beat by a large margin. So, hey, who
really rigged the election? We may never know.
It does look like finally Hollywood killed Trollywood, as
the Trump White House should be known, for the record of posterity. When key
states beat the Donald, allegedly “at his own game” and when the Collegiate
finally validated the score-card, history was indeed created, for a while.
However, let us be
kind. To be the “Most Memorable First Term President” in the history of the
world is not a poor title by any standards, especially when he is in the company of
the punk band called Mugabe, Fat Kim and the Dislikables.
This presidential couple, Melania & Megalomania, The
Beauty & the Orange-utan are definitely going to be missed. Sorely missed? Fondly
missed? All this depends on how the Biharis will do, who are slated to take over soon. Well, that's
what Biden-Haris are known as… only Indians will get this joke, or those who
are aware of Indian ethnicity, because, hey, this time there is Indian DNA in-da-House,
and we own that joke.